sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
