I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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