my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
