I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
