WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
