Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
