please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
