Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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