The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
COCAINE IS GR8
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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