When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
