I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
