shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
