Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
