oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
