And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
