After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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