you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
