So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
