I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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