i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm always down for nudity.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
