meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
