I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
