I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just googled if crying burns calories
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
