The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
