LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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