At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
