47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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