My friends, they love my intelligence
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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