i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
