Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
