The maid of honor just puked.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
