Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
