wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
