The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
