i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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