Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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