on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
