My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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