The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sorry about my life...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
