she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
