i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
