I wish I could teleport
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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