I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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