I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
