Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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