Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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