i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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