If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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