Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
