I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
