if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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