why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
