Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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