i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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