shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
