i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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